According to Hugo Rifkind
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Monday
I’ve been John McCain’s running-mate for a few days now. People say, what about the scrutiny? But I’m used to scrutiny. I’ve been the Governor of Alaska for 20 months, and for 19 of them I’ve had every photographer in Wasilla camped outside my house. All of them. Jed, Wilbert and Ezekiel. So don’t tell me I don’t know about pressure!
I kill stuff. That’s what you gotta understand. I’m just your average hockey mom who kills stuff. And then uses that stuff to cover her house. Wall to ceiling. You think that’s a fake raccoon skin lampshade? You think this carpet ain’t real moose? You think that singing fish on the wall wasn’t a real fish? I killed stuff more often than Barack Obama had hot dinners. I killed stuff more often than I had kids. And I had a lotta kids. Seven? Nine? Who’s counting?
Tuesday
John McCain and me, we talk the same language. When we first met, that much was clear. “Sit yourself down, John S. McCain,” I said to him. “Shift Mr Stuffed Beaver out the way, hang up your coat on Mr Elk Head, and let’s get to know each other. I’m a hockey mom. I kill stuff. I went to Germany once.”
“That’s probably all I need to know,” yawned John S. McCain. “I wonder if you’d like to be vice-president?” Then he met the kids. Well, the nearest kids. Trig, Track, Willow, Piper, maybe a couple of others. That’s how it works in this family. We stumble out of the maternity ward, and reach for a dictionary. “A great pleasure,” said John S. McCain, shaking them all by the hand. “And what do you call your dog?” “A footstool,” I said, and I gave it a little push. “Look. It’s on wheels.”
Wednesday
Today I address the Republican convention in Minneapolis. Am I nervous? Of course not. When I was campaigning to be Mayor of Wasilla, the whole town came to a public meeting in my own front garden. I couldn’t be nervous after that! Although we did nearly run out of paper napkins.
I’m going to talk about what I stand for. Freedom. Oil. Guns. Teenage pregnancy. How does Barack Obama have the nerve to pretend he speaks for America? The man is 47 and he doesn’t have a single grandchild. Talk about out of touch. Talk about aloof.
Thursday
John S. McCain calls me to check if there might be any other scandals breaking in the next few days that he ought to know about. “Just to be clear,” he says, darkly, “you aren’t keeping your daughter’s boyfriend tied to a chair at gunpoint, or anything?” “You old kidder!” I say, cheerfully. Then I hand the shotgun to Todd and tell him I better take this call upstairs.
Friday
You think I don’t know about foreign policy? Step outside my door, go 700 miles and I’m in Russia. President Valdomer Lenin is virtually my next-door neighbour. Here in Alaska, we sometimes have to go 700 miles just for groceries. And then, once we’ve shot our groceries, we have to go 700 miles back home. Understand this, America. This hockey mom is not inexperienced. This hockey mom is in charge of Alaska. Do you know how big Alaska is? It’s twice the size of Texas! Hell of a lot of people, too. Almost three quarters of a million people. And I’m not even related to half of them. Maybe more.

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I think most people have missed the point. Most people outside America like to take the mick out of our politicians as it is part of our culture. Keep in mind my American friends you are commenting on an British newspaper article. FYI there is one of these on Obama which is also very funny!
Nick, London, UK
you may want her to help you on Saturday - she has experience with natural gas pipelines and Putin is slowing turning off your heat. winter is around the corner.
And remember, even Sarah rests on Sunday -
cheers.
willie, san jose, costa rica
Stay Classy indeed.
Mike, Pasadena, USA
Hard to read what this is supposed to satirize. Is it mocking fun directly of Sarah as a backwoods rube (which would betray a rather elitist yet quite naive contempt) or does it satirize the condescending and blindered views of those who would view Sarah in such a way? The latter would work better
ed, New York, ny
As an American (& registered Republican) living in the UK, I read this- almost snorted my Miller Lite & pastrami reuben over the paper. (yes we get them in the UK) First time in my life I have ever struggled with my decision. I like her; but not sure I want her views to be the laws of my homeland.
LDB, UK,
very good Hugo I was completely taken in and I thought I could recognise satire, but neither I nor your readers across the pond realised that was what it was- well done that man
peter c, Devizes, Wessex
Donna, it's satire and very funny it is too-I'm ashamed I missed the clues
peter c, Devizes, Wessex
Oh, believe me, every time I've come across an article like this over the past week, I reach for my credit cards, so I can make another contribution to McCain/Palin. When did the English become so offended by hunting? You've got your children spying on you like KGB to make sure you recycle rubbish.
Donna, Milwaukee,
My week as liberal newsreporter:
Monday: Panic over Palin.
Tuesday: More panic over Palin.
Wednesday: Ohmygod! What a speech by Palin, we Dems are dead. Where is the One? Palin had more people watching her speech than the One!
Rest of campaign: Utter, freaking panic over Palin.
Hilliary smiles.
Shannon Jones, MiddleAmerica, USA
Jens Olesen, you sound Norwegian; however, a tad snobby. My father was first generation here in the USA: parents from Wales and England. Unfortunately, the UK still cannot shake "class condescension". Too bad!!
This article is hilarious! We love the authenticism of SARA PALIN. Go girl!
Beatrice, York, USA
More from Whittle: "Palin has erupted from this collective American Dream the idea that, given nothing but classic American values like hard work, integrity, and tough-minded optimism you can actually do what happens in the movies: become a Leader in the Free World." THAT is why we love her.
Heidi, Houston, TX, USA
Jens: "As if having 10 children or so (I leave the counting to her) prepares you to become a good politician."
That's the point - We don't want to elect politicians (although we often don't have a choice). We want to elect leaders.
Skip and Dana, Benicia, CA, USA
Hello-Jens Olesen
Do I sense some snobbery and anti-mother feelings?
No surprise coming from one who apparently supports the annointed one.
J, Ohio, USA
A well-done, informative article. I can see why you've risen to the top of your profession. If you don't mind me asking, how much does someone in your country make if they've been knighted by the Queen as a Royal Pain in the Ass?
Steven, Bowling Green, USA
What you don't realize is that every time one of you posts this elitist tripe, you win her more fans. You also help to consolidate her strong conservative base. I am most certain this is not your intent. Keep up the good work, unintended though it is.
Dane, Enterprise, USA
The debates are going to be very telling. Obama can't put 3 words together to form a sentence without a teleprompter. And Biden is called slow Joe for a reason. The sycophant media has done Barry no favors. You've not asked him one difficult question yet. McCain and Palin will eat them alive.
John, Chandler, USA
Jens, I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure when we won our independence, there was a specific understanding that we would NOT have to take London as part of the deal. I love Britain, but where has your backbone gone?
Chris, Houston, USA
I had planned to sit this election out. Like McCain, a Viet-Nam vet, but...
Then came Sarah.
Mom, athlete, hunter, started out local, worked her way up, no wealthy family, no president husband, no Yale law school, just integrity guts and character.
Stay classy libs.
Show your TRUE colors.
Michael, Williamsburg, VA, U. S. A.
I'm a Palin fan and that was pretty funny :D
Deidre, Winston-Salem, N.C., USA
Her attacks on Obama are just silly. As if having 10 children or so (I leave the counting to her) prepares you to become a good politician. Surely, it does not. Go back to Alaska, super mom, and take all your right-wing friends with you, please. America, do not vote for this bunch of people. Thanks!
Jens Olesen, London, UK
Let's see who has the last laugh!
Paul Freeman, London , England
I had no idea that the meltdown extended across the pond.
Doug Beaton, Sanford, USA
Keep it up and the crazy right wingers will have more votes because this is a sign of out of touch elitism that will just shoot us in the proverbial foot.
Jack, brownstown, USA