David Cameron gave his final “I’m Not Complacent” speech before the summer break yesterday. I say final but, as there are still hours to go before the recess, I cannot be sure. The man is addicted to telling us he’s not complacent. It may be a medical condition. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Dave soon had to attend Complacency Anonymous.

Every day is a day in which Dave wakes up and discovers that he isn’t complacent. Every morning he arises, happy as Larry (who really should have been called Dave). “It’s another wonderful day!” he chortles to his wife Samantha. “I’m fresh as a daisy and happy as a ray of sunshine. But I’m not complacent!”

Well, surely we should be the judge of that. Yesterday Dave skipped into his press conference, which was all about tests of one kind or another. He was accompanied by Michael Gove, the Shadow Schools Secretary, who was there to talk about the SATs fiasco. Michael sat at the side, wide-eyed, watching as his leader glowed with such intensity that we all reached for our sunglasses.

Dave began by giving his end-of-term report for the Tory party. You won’t be surprised to learn that the Tories are in “good shape”. His face, as round as the sun, looked freshly squeegied as he began to crow. “We’re not the least bit complacent!” he chortled, not quite adding: “Cock-a-doodle-do.”

“I know that winning local elections, a mayoral election and two by-elections in mid-term is not the same as winning a general election.”

Don’t you love that? It’s like someone who says they aren’t beautiful or smart or whatever and then goes on to detail how many modelling contracts/university interviews/etc they have.

“But . . .” trilled Dave. I tensed. If he was at my door, trying to sell me religion, I would want to escape. “I think the big picture in British politics is increasingly clear.”

Labour is “rudderless”. Britain wasn’t getting firm leadership from Gordon Brown (whom Dave now calls Gunner Brown, after that crazed Baghdad photo op).

The Tories are “rejuvenated” and “in touch with modern Britain”. They are setting the agenda, bursting with ideas (though not, obviously, complacent).

There was a break in the constant sunshine when Michael Gove popped up to attack the Government over SATs. Michael is not complacent, mainly because he is so very angry. He looked furious as he stood, eyes blinking like windscreen wipers on super-fast. Ed Balls should apologise, the contract with ETS must be cancelled, this must never happen again.

How refreshing to be addressed by someone so biting and intense. But then Dave bounced back up and we slathered on the Factor 30.

Was he unhappy that Labour had used some of the Tory welfare ideas? “I don’t see politics in the way that they do,” burbled Dave. “That is Brown politics. He’s obsessed by divide. I think that’s rubbish. You go into politics to make the country a better place. If the Government does something that you’re in favour of you should put up your hands and say ‘Great!’.”

Then Dave gave some holiday advice to Gordon. Dave’s off to Padstow in Cornwall. Gordon (without the machine-gun) is going to Southwold.

“My advice would be have a long holiday, take a break, get things back together again. No one wants a Prime Minister who is exhausted, frazzled and making bad decisions.”

No one? Well, maybe just Dave. He then bounced out, taking the sun with him. It was quite a performance and not, of course, in any way complacent.

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