Ann Treneman: Political Sketch
Win a trip to the Ice Hotel in Lapland
It was the last stop on George W. Bush’s “Farewell Europe” tour and we had pulled out all the stops. Half of Westminster had been coned off (the other half had been arrested). Gordon and Sarah had hosted what George W. would no doubt call “a food thingy” with top-flight historians.
The Queen had done her bit and now there was to be a joint press conference in the incredibly ornate Locarno Room at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. To walk into a room like this is to understand what Empire does for a country. The chandeliers hang with intent to impress from the painted vaulted ceiling, the doors are the height of three men and the gilt (the guilt!) is out of this world. The two men were flanked by four flags and eight VIPs each. We have not seen anything this painfully OTT since Barbra Streisand came to the O2 . I only regret that they did not have any costume changes.
There is no chemistry. There was no “Yo Brown” moment. Our Prime Minister was as formal as a dinner suit. He thanked Mr Bush for his friendship several times, each time turning to him from his waist (it looked a bit rusty) and executing a weird little bob. It was sub-Japanese. At one point George W. lightly touched the Prime Minister’s arm and Gordon flinched.
George W. Bush, when he finishes with his “presidential thingy”, may be thinking about doing a one-man show. Yesterday we had a taste of George W. Unplugged. As he stumbles around the English language, he creates real suspense. It is rather riveting. He was even interesting when he was listening to Gordon, a permanent half-smile on his lips. What, we wondered, was the joke? George began with a bit of a travelogue, a kind of postcard home, perhaps to his dogs Barney and Miss Beazley (look, this is the kind of thing Americans do). “This is, uh, this has been a good trip. Some are speculating this is my last trip. Let them speculate! Who knows? Thank you Gordon and Sarah. Thanks for calling together the historians. Great Britain produces great, great historians! The food was good too!”
History is weighing heavily on George W. He has thought about how historians will see him and it will be as a man of peace. He is full of truisms such as: “The march to democracy is never smooth!” He scolded G8 leaders that they must honour their pledges for donations to Africa. “We expect you to be more than pledge-makers, we expect you to be cheque-writers!” Also, he has changed the name of Pakistan to “Pak” as in “the Pak Government”. I don’t know why, perhaps just because he can.
History will also see him as a diplomat. “One of the things I will leave behind is a multilateralism to deal with tyrants so problems can be solved diplomatically.” This is his strategy with Iran and North Korea (he didn’t mention Iraq at this point). He thinks that Pyongyang is impressed. “If I were the North Koreans and I were looking at this I would say, ‘Uh-oh, there are coalitions comin’ together!’ ” He talked a lot about Iraq and, of course, history. “History will judge the tactics,” he said, before launching into the kind of speech you would make to St Peter at the Pearly Gates (Yo St Peter!): “Removing Saddam Hussein was not wrong. It was the right thing to do for our security, right thing to do for peace and the right thing to do for 25 million Iraqis.”
What we need now is courage and patience. Will “freedom” transform the Middle East? “Some would say freedom is not a universal value. Some would say that maybe it’s only Western people who can self-govern. Maybe it’s only, you know, white-guy Methodists who are capable of self-government. I reject that notion! I think that is the ultimate form of political elitism!”
White-guy Methodist? Is that anyway to talk about yourself? Perhaps he greets himself in the mirror every morning with a hearty “Yo White-Guy Methodist!” Indeed, perhaps that will be the title of his autobiography – or his one-man show.
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To British Empire haters mesmerised by gilt and chandeliers,
remember they could be preferable to Saddam Hussein palaces built to the bloody tune of iraqis being buried alive or thrown in acid or the Taj Mahal built by hands then severed,never to build again.USA is thanked quietly by millions!
Miriam, London, uk
Changing Pakistan to "Pak" isn't so dreadful; the name of the country was originally concocted to encompass all of the Muslims who lived in the provinces of Northern India- i.e., in Punjab, Afghania, Kashmir, Sindh and baluchsTAN. The "I" came later, after it was called Pakstan for a while.
Peter Boyle, Prague, CZ
I for one am pleased to see the Republicans turn their attention to the history books. Better that they spend their time massaging the sad facts of their failures than create new failures in Iran and elsewhere.
Roger Miller, Alexandria, USA
As several of this post note...Bush is an embarrassment to many US citizens. So how did he get into power....as a proxy of the rich & powerful. Mark Twain was correct in his observation that America has the the best Government that money can buy.
Jack, Ft Lauderdale, USA
Where is that big hook you use to take an actor off the stage?
Peter, Hamburg, Germany
The predictable and hackenyed George bush baiting. Yawn.
J Sumpter, London, UK
To those who find George Bush an embarrassment, plenty of Australians felt the same when we had John Howard as Prime Minister. Cartoons would show him as a poodle following George, or a parrot repeating what George had said. Howard`s overseas trips would make us cringe.
margie , victoria, australia
Despite my embarrassment at my countryman's (mikh) odd comment, I feel vastly enlightened to note that just two responses support Bush: the chap with the celtic name from - really? - Worthy, USA, and the prejudice-laden drivel from, um, where else - Texas. Poor old Gordon. Nice one, Ann!
Phil, Wellington, New Zealand
There you go, boasting again, you Americans. We had Margaret Thatcher - so you can't tell us anything about world-class embarrassment.
eric campbell, harrogate, uk
As an American citizen living in the UK, I wish GW was more eloquent. That said, it should not take away from what he has accomplished. The strong rhethoric he has usd over the years was and is for the terrorist's ears...not ours. It isn't swagger. It is the only communication they understand.
jsanchez, winnersh, uk
The most hostile anti-Bush crew are I've found generally unhappy, and often moronic to boot. Their pathological anti-Americanism may come from a destructive paranoia. Too many knocked off neurones perhaps?
Google Geldof/Bush for a refreshing insight into the man.
mikh, Tauranga, NZ
As an American citizen (originally from Ireland), I am truly embarassed to see GW cavorting on the world's stage one final time as if he is owed some outpouring of gratitude.The man has singlehandedly set this country back 10 years, and I for one cannot wait for his final curtain call in Jan.
Patrick McCorry, Philadelphia, USA
Even Presidents get tired of what they do or didn't do , the longer they are in power the more they have to practise their facial expressions. Any over animation might be mis-interpreted.
geert, cape town, south africa
It's clearly gotten very bad on almost every front for Gordon Brown. How do we know this? Because he has had to make a meal out of meeting one of the most unpopular and most incompetent men on the planet. Gordon, what further depths you are willing to plumb?
Allan, Glasgow,
the old Neville Chamberlain malaise still plagues England, Don't export it here.
wil, South, US
Thank you, Ann, for your scathing insight. It's good to hear that there is still some 'humor' to be had from this "walking advertisement of birth control". Living through the last 8 years as an american has been like ritual pennance - you know you did something wrong, but what to do? Vote Obama!
John Simoes, OAKLAND, US
Timothy from boston or rather you yanks, speak for yourself, not all yanks feel like you do or others who live out here in the real world, away from that stuff shirt world of mass. and for marc who is from san francisco, need I say more,media here does not tell all, love BUSH, shame on you all
sandra, TEXAS, USA
Bush; the proverbial pimple on the arse of progress - he has reduced the teetering facade that was America to a pile of dusty rubble and also bought down the houses of his friends. On the bright side he has clearly demonstrated the need for America to put a lot more money into education.
rusty vance, canberra , australia
Bush is not smart, but at least not boring.
Bill, Sydney,
Unfortunately, the band has left the building and the US is standing in a pool of stale beer and cigarette butts. as the crowd disperses.
Fortunately for the rest of the world, G.W. Bush has reduced the US from the preeminent global economic, political and military power to one of many.
marc salomon, san francisco, california, us
We Yanks are throughly humiliated by our President. He's run roughshod over just about every basic tenant of liberty whilst claiming to be it's torchbearer. He's without question the worst President in history. Good riddance! We can only hope the voting populous has learned it's lesson.
Timothy , Boston , USA
I often wonder if Europeans have a clear grasp of how embarassing it is to most U.S. citizens to have our President display such utter failure to grasp the issues and such lack of dignity. We are counting the days till President Obama speaks for us, eloquently, intelligently and appropriately.
lee houston, New York, USA
Bush, like Nixon & Reagan , misunderstands the office of the president. All three of those would-be kings presumed they were the public's master rather than its public servants. The twice-elected limitation on their "service" is one the Constitution's most ingenious provisions. We survived Bush.
sfrose, San Francisco , USA
Yo, Ann!
What does the election of George W. Bush as president (twice!) say about Americans?
Douglas Culver, Rolling Hills Estates, USA
funny and good
k, new york, usa
Though biased, this is sadly who has been our president for seven years. I trust historians will be fair, though I expect not kind, to Mr. Bush. He deserves what he gets.
.
David L Hall, MD, Hope, USA
Hopefully he will ride into the sunset never to be seen or heard from again
Renee, Ft Lauderdale, USA
As a fellow white guy Methodist American, who lived for a couple of years in England during graduate school, let me say folks on this side of the big pond can hardly wait for George the Lesser to stand down seven years from now, too.
He always was, and always will be, a national embarrassment.
William T. Street, SAGINAW, usa
Wonderful! I'm a bitter old white guy voting for Obama and I've always loved the English sense of humor. Poor Georgie is an easy target.
ericmiami, Homestead, FL, US
Wonderful! Thanks so much for speaking (and quoting) honestly. This embarassment will be over in under seven months and perhaps then the world can start healing itself with lots of hard work and true and clear communications. I wish the American media had your courage and wit.
Chale, Austin, TX,
Am I to believe that the words, sentences and expressions quoted here were the true and actual utterances of the Yale educated (sic) president of the United States of America?
Really?
Kent Sherwood, Walnut Creek, California, USA
Spot on old bean, spot on!
Kevin, Houston, USA
It sounds like the WWII jap. To fight Iraq was ridiculous but in Afganiston it had some sense.
Reverend Jackson visited Muslims and freed some hostages.
Bush's legacy will be Earths Warming, it may be a trend.
Mark Schindler, Los Angeles, U.S.A.
Why don't you get a real country instead of the "thingy" you now call England....and shut up about our leaders...we have done far more for England than you can ever imagine.
JMMclaughlin, Worthy, USA
Dear President Bush:
In your bid for a kindly historical critique, you said that leadership is to stay the course and not be swayed by polls.
When polls say that 72% of us think you are not doing a good job and 82% want out of Iraq, the people you swore to represent are speaking, so listen.
Ted Ricks, San Mateo, USA