Do you worry that your partner reflects badly on you in some way? Such feelings are quite common, though people are loath to admit to them.

One client is concerned that her boyfriend's lack of drive and low-key job reflect poorly on her. Elizabeth, 34, an investment banker, has been with Lucas, 35, a website designer, for two years. This issue has niggled her increasingly and surfaced recently in a few arguments.

Elizabeth's attitude - “You, my partner and lover, are letting the side down” - would have a bad effect on even the best relationship. I have known loving, caring partners dumped in such situations.

Initially, physical attraction, the fact that someone is different and has, say, a novel occupation can outweigh these concerns. Elizabeth and Lucas are a prime example. Drawn to his good looks, Elizabeth didn't mind his lack of ambition. That Lucas lived life his laid-back way was fine. Now the honeymoon is over and she is troubled by the long term - will he earn enough, share common goals, and what do her high-powered pals really think of him?

When someone says that an aspect of a partner's behaviour “reflects badly on me”, they are usually too concerned about appearances. The fact that in private they have a good relationship is outweighed by how their partner looks in public.

When you expect your partner to be your mirror-equal in social skills, aspirations and drive, your respect crumbles when he or she doesn't live up to this. Just ensure that your expectations are justified and you won't be humbled later, wishing you hadn't let go of a worthy partner.

The author is a relationships expert

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