And you thought it was bad enough when Ella used to ask if she could have yet another Polly Pocket and a trip to Legoland for her birthday. Welcome to the sexual minefield of adolescence; if you haven't got there yet, it's not too early to start planning strategies for the inevitable.

“It all depends on how well you get on with your daughter and your own feelings towards sex,” says Kate Figes, the author of Terrible Teens: What Every Parent Needs To Know. “The only way really is to be open about issues such as contraception and sexually transmitted diseases, to seize the bull by the horns and discuss it.” The more you can build an ongoing dialogue about sexual issues with your daughter, tackling her queries openly from an early age, the less daunting this question will feel when it does crop up.

And when it does, you need to find out more behind the question without appearing too intrusive. “There has to be a few more questions when a teenager comes to you with this one,” says Gill Hines, an education consultant and the author of Whatever! A Down-to-Earth Guide to Parenting Teenagers. “Before you say yes or no you want to know is it because Eddie can't get home. Where does she plan on him sleeping? How long have they known each other? It's highly possible that they're just friends, in which case there's no reason to suppose that relationship will change.”

It would also help to know how you'd feel if Ella did admit their sexual intentions. “You're not going to be able to stop them having sex but if the thought makes you uncomfortable, you need to be honest about that,” says Hines. “But if Ella says she wants him to sleep on the sofa, you have to take that as an honest statement and trust them.” Another dilemma to confront is the spare bed option; is this a handy compromise or plain denial? “I think parents who go for this are deluding themselves,” says Figes.

Ask your father: why wasn't I invited to his party?

What to say to your child when they are passed over for an invitation to a birthday party

Background

• Ask your father: Mummy, can I have a toy gun?

• Ask your father: Why did Daddy say a bad word?

• Ask your father: why do some people have white skin?

• Ask your father: can you fly to heaven?

• Why doesn't Jack's dad live with him?

Ultimately, the skill is being able to view our teenage children in a realistic way; not being naive about their sexual behaviour, or jumping to sensational conclusions either. “Assume that it's going to be more than they're letting on, but it's never going to be as bad as you think,” says Figes. Reassure yourself that whatever Eddie and Ella are up to lies somewhere in between.

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