Once more unto the breach. Despite all resolutions to the contrary, I end up driving to school on the first day of term, after the alarm clock has failed to wake me up. As the traffic light changes to red, I throw into the back of the car a couple of Kellogg’s variety packs, some mini cartons of orange juice and three pairs of shoes. The children cheer wildly. Feeling quite self-congratulatory and wondering why we don’t do this every morning, I stop outside school and do a spot of hair and teeth brushing before dispatching all three children into their respective classrooms.

I then head off to the local café and find Alpha Mum at my favourite table with an attractive young man, whom I imagine is her new au pair, together with Sexy Domesticated Dad. They urge me to join them and I decide that since I am not alone with Sexy Domesticated Dad, this doesn’t contravene our new agreement.

“So, have you had a good rest, Lucy?” asks Alpha Mum.

“Fantastic,” I lie, trying not to look too excited at the prospect of six hours without having to cook a meal, intervene in fights, or watch repeats of Charlie and Lola.

“How about you?” Sexy Domesticated Dad asks her, when it becomes apparent that I am not going to ask her the same question.

“My husband had the children for three weeks with his new girlfriend,” she says. I make suitably sympathetic noises.

“That must be difficult for someone like you,” says Sexy Domesticated Dad. Given that Alpha Mum is the kind of mother who monitors everything from the daily starch content of her children’s diet to the exact number of minutes spent each day on music practice, his reaction is not surprising.

“Actually, it’s been totally liberating,” she says mysteriously.

The au pair leans over and whispers something in her ear and I notice that his hand rests at the top of her thigh. Sexy Domesticated Dad catches my eye.

“I want to introduce you to my new boyfriend,” Alpha Mum announces. The young Polish man smiles back at us and kisses her on the side of her neck.

“How old are you?” Sexy Domesticated Dad suddenly asks him.

“Twenty-eight,” he answers, before telling Alpha Mum that it is time for them to go home.

Sexy Domesticated Dad and I sit in stunned silence for a moment. “What do you think?” he says finally.

“It would be difficult to turn him down,” I reply.

“What do you mean, Lucy?” he demands, with a note of hostility.

“Well, he seems very… kind,” I try to backtrack.

“That’s not what you meant,” says Sexy Domesticated Dad, getting up to leave without finishing his coffee.

Times recommends

• Pity the poor (other) woman
• It was all too easy to lose my son
• Video: How to do party make-up