At the Cole face

The other week, a friend of mine went for a facial. Two days later, he got carded in Tesco trying to buy a bottle of wine. He is 31. Much teasing ensued. “Serves you right, you big nelly,” I honked. But if an hour in a darkened room could shave 14 years off him, what could it do for me? “Er, can I have her details?” I added sheepishly.

The facialist turned out to be Jess, an unprepossessing Australian who plies her art at a spa on the King’s Road. She tells me men are far from a rarity there, and, thanks to the spa’s proximity to Stamford Bridge, Chelsea players such as Joe Cole have been in for the Ole Henriksen Purifying Facial. Frank Lampard was more nervous, she says. He poked his head in and seemed curious, but hasn’t taken the plunge. Yet he has no qualms about shaving his chest. What an enigma.

It started well — plinky-plonky music, fragrant balms and gentle farts of steam across my face — but then, ouch! It felt as if an army of ants had been poured over my face. “It’s just the acid eating off your dead skin,” said Jess merrily, as she extracted a decade’s-worth of grime from my nose and forehead.

I left smelling far too girlie, with spots all over my forehead, but two days later, I was staggered. My skin looked as if it had been grafted off a Roman statue. Facials — painful, humiliating and with unimpeachable results. Only real men need apply.

Ole Henriksen Purifying Facial, £85, at the Shop at Bluebird, 350 King’s Road, London SW3; 020 7349 5090

Try at home

Ole Henriksen Micro/Mini Peel The DIY version of my facial contains only half the amount of glycolic acid, which will hopefully save you from any embarrassing breakouts. Still, I wouldn’t use it before a date or business meeting. £95, from Harvey Nichols

Natura Bissé Glyco- Peeling Plus 50% An outrageously expensive treatment that can eradicate fine lines, shaving scars and leave your mug as soft as a baby’s bottom. £160, from Harrods

Biotherm Homme Anti-Rides Line Peel As we age, the skin on our faces doesn’t renew itself as quickly — a fact this daily peel hopes to correct. Ideal if you’ve been partying too hard and don’t want the boss to know. £34.50

Check in

Just hearing the word Aertex used to make me throw up in my mouth, but the company has made a stunning about- turn with its new range of lumberjack shirts. Wearable, breathable and on trend — a sartorial hat-trick. Shirts, £50 each, from aertex.com

Give it some welly

Wellies for urban women are old news, but men tend to save them for country walks and manual labour. Not any more. The Shoreditch boys’ brigade are wearing fluoro ones in force. Fair enough, I say. East London is a filthy pit, but I wish they would wear less stupid colours. Try a pair of these: navy minis, £55, by Tretorn, from Diverse; 020 7359 8877. Beige boots, £27, by Marc Jacobs. Black wellies, £50, by Barbour. Green classics, £55, by Hunter

E-mail styleman@sunday-times.co.uk