All over the country, waiting lists for allotments have never been longer. If you’re on a waiting list, you must read a fine new book called Using the Plot by Paul Merrett (HarperCollins, £16.99).

Merrett is a prodigiously gifted chef who has recently opened a gastropub in Sheen. A few years ago, he and his wife decided that they wanted to stop buying from supermarkets and live by the seasons through their own allotment. They got the plot – and Using the Plot is a rollicking account of what happened next.

Merrett is a very good writer, keeps the narrative moving smartly with well-observed detail, and uses a wry, self-deprecating humour to comment on family life, celebrity-chefdom, the burden of the green conscience, and more. The book will inform and entertain even those who (like me) would rather drink paraffin than pull out a weed. And the second half is recipes, so this is really two books in one.

Through the humour, three serious points emerge for would-be allotmenteers. One is the gruelling work. Merrett told me that four hours a week is the absolute minimum once your allotment is well established – but in summer, you need “one good full day, or a couple of mornings”.

Second is the allotment as slave driver, or “a fifth member of the family” in Merrett’s case. If you yoke yourself to the seasons, kiss your long summer holidays goodbye.

Third is the difficulty of involving young children, as the Merretts tried to do. Many of the book’s most amusing passages deal with the resistance of the young folks, and Merrett says they’re still not won over. “But I was 35 before I did this. I hope that one day my children will say, ‘The old man was right after all.’”

Read this book if you are thinking of adding an allotment to your Green Kitchen. You’ll laugh a lot. You may also think twice. Forewarned is forearmed.

thegreenkitchen@thetimes.co.uk

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