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Where have all the real men gone?
Top American columnist Kathleen Parker is causing a furore with her new book Save the Males, in which she argues that feminism has neutered men and deprived them of their noble, protective role in society
Alpha Mummy blog: Does 'up with men' have to mean 'down with women'?
I know. Saving the males is an unlikely vocation for a 21st-century woman. Most men don’t know they need saving; most women consider the idea absurd. When I tell my women friends that I want to save the males, they look at me as if noticing for the first time that I am insane. Then they say something like: “Are you out of your mind? This is still a male-dominated world. It’s women who need saving. Screw the men!”
Actually, that’s a direct quote. The reality is that men already have been screwed – and not in the way they prefer. For the past 30 years or so, males have been under siege by a culture that too often embraces the notion that men are to blame for all of life’s ills. Males as a group – not random men – are bad by virtue of their DNA.
While women have been cast as victims, martyrs, mystics or saints, men have quietly retreated into their caves, the better to muffle emotions that fluctuate between hilarity (are these bitches crazy or what?) and rage (yes, they are and they’ve got our kids).
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In the process of fashioning a more female-friendly world, we have created a culture that is hostile towards males, contemptuous of masculinity and cynical about the delightful differences that make men irresistible, especially when something goes bump in the night.
In popular culture, rare is the man portrayed as wise, strong and noble. In film and music, men are variously portrayed as dolts, bullies, brutes, deadbeats, rapists, sexual predators and wife-beaters. Even otherwise easy-going family men in sitcoms are invariably cast as, at best, bumbling, dim-witted fools. One would assume from most depictions that the smart, decent man who cares about his family and pats the neighbour’s dog is the exception rather than the rule.
I am frankly an unlikely champion of males and that most hackneyed cliché of our times – “traditional family values”. Or rather, I’m an expert on family in the same way that the captain of the Titanic was an expert on maritime navigation.
Looking back affectionately, I like to think of home as our own little Baghdad. The bunker-buster was my mother’s death when she was 31 and I was three, whereupon my father became a serial husband, launching into the holy state of matrimony four more times throughout my childhood and early adulthood. We were dysfunctional before dysfunctional was cool.
Going against trends of the day, I was mostly an only child raised by a single father through all but one of my teen years, with mother figures in various cameo roles. I got a close-up glimpse of how the sexes trouble and fail each other and in the process developed great em-pathy for both, but especially for men.
Although my father could be difficult – I wasn’t blinded by his considerable charms – I also could see his struggle and the sorrows he suffered, especially after mother No 2 left with his youngest daughter, my little sister.
From this broad, experiential education in the ways of men and women, I reached a helpful conclusion that seems to have escaped notice by some of my fellow sisters: men are human beings, too.
Lest anyone infer that my defence of men is driven by antipathy towards women, let me take a moment to point out that I liked and/or loved all my mothers. In fact, I’m still close to all my father’s wives except the last, who is just a few years older than me and who is apparently afraid that if we make eye contact, I’ll want the silver. (I do.)
My further education in matters male transpired in the course of raising three boys, my own and two stepsons. As a result of my total immersion in male-dom, I’ve been cursed with guy vision – and it’s not looking so good out there.
At the same time that men have been ridiculed, the importance of fatherhood has been diminished, along with other traditionally male roles of father, protector and provider, which are increasingly viewed as regressive manifestations of an outmoded patriarchy.
The exemplar of the modern male is the hairless, metrosexualised man and decorator boys who turn heter-osexual slobs into perfumed ponies. All of which is fine as long as we can dwell happily in the Kingdom of Starbucks, munching our biscotti and debating whether nature or nurture determines gender identity. But in the dangerous world in which we really live, it might be nice to have a few guys around who aren’t trying to juggle pedicures and highlights.
Men have been domesticated to within an inch of their lives, attending Lamaze classes, counting contractions, bottling expressed breast milk for midnight feedings – I expect men to start lactating before I finish this sentence – yet they are treated most unfairly in the areas of reproduction and parenting.
Legally, women hold the cards. If a woman gets pregnant, she can abort – even without her husband’s consent. If she chooses to have the child, she gets a baby and the man gets an invoice. Unarguably, a man should support his offspring, but by that same logic shouldn’t he have a say in whether his child is born or aborted?
Granted, many men are all too grateful for women to handle the collateral damage of poorly planned romantic interludes, but that doesn’t negate the fact that many men are hurt by the presumption that their vote is irrelevant in childbearing decisions.
NOTHING quite says “Men need not apply” like a phial of mail-order sperm Continued on page 2 Continued from page 1 and a turkey-baster. In the high-tech nursery of sperm donation and self-insemination – and in the absence of shame attached to unwed motherhood – babies can now be custom-ordered without the muss and fuss of human intimacy.
It’s not fashionable to question women’s decisions, especially when it comes to childbearing, but the shame attached to unwed motherhood did serve a useful purpose once upon a time. While we have happily retired the word “bastard” and the attendant emotional pain for mother and child, acceptance of childbearing outside marriage represents not just a huge shift in attitudes but, potentially, a restructuring of the future human family.
By elevating single motherhood from an unfortunate consequence of poor planning to a sophisticated act of self-fulfilment, we have helped to fashion a world in which fathers are not just scarce but in which men are also superfluous.
Lots of women can, do and always will raise children without fathers, whether out of necessity, tragedy or other circumstance. But that fact can’t logically be construed to mean that children don’t need a father. The fact that some children manage with just one parent is no more an endorsement of single parenthood than driving with a flat tyre is an argument for three-wheeled cars.
For most of recorded history, human society has regarded the family, consisting of a child’s biological mother and father, to be the best arrangement for the child’s wellbeing and the loss of a parent to be the single greatest threat to that wellbeing. There’s bound to be a reason for this beyond the need for man to drag his woman around by her chignon.
Sperm-donor children are a relatively new addition to the human community and they bring new stories to the campfire. I interviewed several adults who are the products of sperm donation. Some were born to married but infertile couples. Others were born to single mothers. Some reported well-adjusted childhoods; some reported conflicting feelings of love and loss.
Overall, a common thread emerged that should put to rest any notion that fathers are not needed: even the happiest donor children expressed a profound need to know who their father is, to know that other part of themselves.
Tom Ellis, a mathematics doctoral student at Cambridge University, learnt at 21 that he and his brother were both donor-conceived. Their parents told them on the advice of a family therapist as their marriage unravelled.
At first Tom did not react, but months later he hit a wall of emotional devastation. He says he became numb, anxious and scared. He began a search for his biological father, a search that has become a crusade for identity common among sperm-donor children.
“It’s absolutely necessary that I find out who he is to have a normal existence as a human being. That’s not negotiable in any way,” Tom said. “It would be nice if he wanted to meet me, but that would be something I want rather than something needed.”
Tom is convinced that the need to know one’s biological father is profound and that it is also every child’s right. What is clear from conversations with donor-conceived children is that a father is neither an abstract idea nor is he interchangeable with a mother.
As Tom put it: “There’s a mystery about oneself.” Knowing one’s father is apparently crucial to that mystery.
Something that’s hard for many women to admit or understand is that after about the age of seven, boys prefer the company of men. A woman could know the secret code to Aladdin’s cave and it would be less interesting to a boy than a man talking about dirt. That is because a woman is perceived as just another mother, while a man is Man.
From their mothers, boys basically want to hear variations on two phrases: “I love you” and “Do you want those fried or scrambled?” I learnt this in no uncertain terms when I was a Cub Scout leader, which mysteriously seems to have prompted my son’s decision to abandon Scouting for ever.
My co-Akela (Cub Scout for wolf leader) was Dr Judy Sullivan – friend, fellow mother and clinical psychologist. Imagine the boys’ excitement when they learnt who would be leading them in guy pursuits: a reporter and a shrink – two intense, overachieving, helicopter mothers of only boys. Shouldn’t there be a law against this?
We had our boys’ best interests at heart, of course, and did our utmost to be good den mothers. But seven-year-old boys are not interested in making lanterns from coffee tins. They want to shoot bows and arrows, preferably at one another, chop wood with stone-hewn axes and sink canoes, preferably while in them.
At the end of a school day, during which they have been steeped in oestrogen by women teachers and told how many “bad choices” they’ve made, boys are ready to make some really bad choices. They do not want to sit quietly and listen to yet more women speak soothingly of important things.
Here’s how one memorable meeting began. “Boys, thank you for taking your seats and being quiet while we explain our women’s history month project,” said Akela Sullivan in her calmest psychotherapist voice. The response to Akela Sullivan’s entreaty sounded something like the Zulu nation psyching up for the Brits.
I tried a different, somewhat more masculine approach: “Boys, get in here, sit down and shut up. Now!” And lo, they did get in there. And they did sit. And they did shut up. One boy stargazed into my face and stage-whispered: “I wish you were my mother.”
Akela Sullivan and I put our heads together, epiphanised in unison and decided that we would recruit transients from the homeless shelter if necessary to give these boys what they wanted and needed – men.
As luck would have it, a Cub Scout’s father was semi-retired or between jobs or something – we didn’t ask – and could attend the meetings. He didn’t have to do a thing. He just had to be there and respire testosterone vapours into the atmosphere.
His presence shifted the tectonic plates and changed the angle of the Earth on its axis. Our boys were at his command, ready to disarm landmines, to sink enemy ships – or even to sit quietly for the sake of the unit if he of the gravelly voice and sandpaper face wished it so. I suspect they would have found coffee tins brilliantly useful as lanterns if he had suggested as much.
But, of course, boys don’t stay Cub Scouts for long. We’ve managed over the past 20 years or so to create a new generation of child-men, perpetual adolescents who see no point in growing up. By indulging every appetite instead of recognising the importance of self-control and commitment, we’ve ratified the id.
Our society’s young men encounter little resistance against continuing to celebrate juvenile pursuits, losing themselves in video games and mindless, “guy-oriented” TV fare – and casual sex.
The casual sex culture prevalent on university campuses – and even in schools – has produced fresh vocabulary to accommodate new ways of relating: “friends with benefits” and “booty call”.
FWB I get, but “booty call”? I had to ask a young friend, who explained: “Oh, that’s when a guy calls you up and just needs you to come over and have sex with him and then go home.”
Why, I asked, would a girl do such a thing? Why would she service a man for nothing – no relationship, no affection, no emotional intimacy?
She pointed out that, well, they are friends. With benefits! But no obligations! Cool. When I persisted in demanding an answer to “why”, she finally shrugged and said: “I have no idea. It’s dumb.”
Guys also have no idea why a girl would do that, but they’re not complaining – even if they’re not enjoying themselves that much, either.
Miriam Grossman, a university psychiatrist, wrote Unprotected, a book about the consequences of casual sex among students. She has treated thousands of young men and women suffering a range of physical and emotional problems related to sex, which she blames on sex education of recent years that treats sex as though it were divorced from emotional attachment and as if men and women were the same. Grossman asserts that there are a lot more victims of the hookup (casual sex) culture than of date rape.
Casual sex, besides being emotionally unrewarding, can become physically boring. Once sex is stripped of meaning, it becomes merely a mechanical exercise. Since the hookup generation is also the porn generation, many have taken their performance cues from porn flicks that are anything but sensual or caring.
Boys today are marinating in pornography and they’ll soon be having casual sex with our daughters. According to a study by the National Foundation for Educational Research issued in 2005, 12% of British males aged 13-18 avail themselves of “adult-only” websites; and American research findings are similar. The actual numbers are likely to be much higher, given the amount of porn spam that finds its way into electronic mailboxes. If the rising generation of young men have trouble viewing the opposite sex as anything but an object for sexual gratification, we can’t pretend not to understand why.
The biggest problem for both sexes – beyond the epidemic of sexually transmitted disease – is that casual sex is essentially an adversarial enterprise that pits men and women against each other. Some young women, now fully as sexually aggressive as men, have taken “liberation” to another level by acting as badly as the worst guy.
Carol Platt Liebau, the author of Prude, another book on the havoc that pervasive sex has on young people, says that when girls begin behaving more coarsely so, too, do boys.
“And now, because so many young girls have been told that it’s ‘empowering’ to pursue boys aggressively, there’s no longer any need for boys to ‘woo’ girls – or even to commit to a date,” she told me. “The girls are available [in every sense of the word] and the boys know it.”
Men, meanwhile, have feelings. Although they’re uncomfortable sorting through them – and generally won’t if no one insists – I’ve listened to enough of them to know that our hypersexualised world has left many feeling limp and vacant.
Our cultural assumption that men only want sex has been as damaging to them as to the women they target. Here is how a recent graduate summed it up to me: “Hooking up is great, but at some point you get tired of everything meaning nothing.”
Ultimately, what our oversexualised, pornified culture reveals is that we think very little of our male family members. Undergirding the culture that feminism has helped to craft is a presumption that men are without honour and integrity. What we offer men is cheap, dirty, sleazy, manipulative sensation. What we expect from them is boorish, simian behaviour that ratifies the antimale sentiment that runs through the culture.
Surely our boys – and our girls – deserve better.
As long as men feel marginalised by the women whose favours and approval they seek; as long as they are alienated from their children and treated as criminals by family courts; as long as they are disrespected by a culture that no longer values masculinity tied to honour; and as long as boys are bereft of strong fathers and our young men and women wage sexual war, then we risk cultural suicide.
In the coming years we will need men who are not confused about their responsibilities. We need boys who have acquired the virtues of honour, courage, valour and loyalty. We need women willing to let men be men – and boys be boys. And we need young men and women who will commit and marry and raise children in stable homes.
Unprogressive though it sounds, the world in which we live requires no less.
Saving the males – engaging their nobility and recognising their unique strengths – will ultimately benefit women and children, too. Fewer will live in poverty; fewer boys will fail in schools and wind up in jail; fewer girls will get pregnant or suffer emotional damage from too early sex with uncaring boys. Fewer young men and women will suffer loneliness and loss because they’ve grown up in a climate of sexual hostility that casts the opposite sex as either villain or victim.
Then again, maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe males don’t need saving and women are never happier or more liberated than when dancing with a stripper pole. Maybe women should man the barricades and men should warm the milk. Maybe men are not necessary and women can manage just fine without them. Maybe human nature has been nurtured into submission and males and females are completely interchangeable.
But I don’t think so. When women say, “No, honey, you stay in bed. I’ll go see what that noise is” – I’ll reconsider.
© Kathleen Parker 2008
Extracted from Save the Males: Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care by Kathleen Parker, published by Random House New York
I believe that female aggressiveness in the business world, education and sexuality has emascualted the modern male and led to the increase in male homosexuality; men feel safer with their own sex. Ask any single woman who is looking for a male partner. All the good looking guys are gay!
Enid Silverstone, London,
As a man, I will never accept any label, description or "identity" of men, offered in our times, obsessed with self-image. Great wife, 4 kids, 20 great years together. She'd like me to be more sensible, I'd like her to take things less seriously... Love makes it work, not "roles". Great article!
Geza Csikasz, Gothenburg, Sweden
Leave this discussion to the sociologist, or better yet - become one yourself. While it is pertinent that opinions based on life experience are highly regarded, factual information based on scientific study is critical. Your misinformation contradicts all studies from people who devote life to truth
Heather Pierce, Gainesville, U.S.A.
John, Dursley. It is a simple fact, that the majority of women in the world are not treated as equals to men. Even here in the privileged west, the majority of women don’t even receive equal pay for the same job as men. Women have been so disfranchised that it is the norm. I say again, 'poor men'.
Rose Byrne, London, London
I think you'll find "real men" let all this naval gazing wash over them whilst they focus on more manly matters.
Doug Bates, St. Albans,
Kathleen, great article. I raised 2 step children and 2 of my own. 20+ years of effort counts for nothing. I am being dragged through family court on the basis of false accusations. I for one am telling young men "do not marry, do not have children". Please keep up your great message!
Peter, Dublin, Ireland
Yes Chris, 600,000 women a year die in this world from problems related to sexual health and pregnancy related problems. I'm not anti-men, andI think that most rational individuals can distinguish between extremist sexual politics and the reality of daily relations between men and women.
Amelia, London,
Soooooo, to be a "real man" is to be heroic, chivalrous, strong, gentle, caring - and to accept without murmur or complaining, a good handbagging from women when they feel it`s to their advantage. Criticism/complaint of men by women is justified and deserved. Vice versa is of course sexist. Sorted!!
Jim, Herts,
I think its unfair to even discriminate men against each other "real men"vs"not real men"?Is this how our world is turning out?a definition of whether or not men are what they should be?people should be who they want, what not people expect...thats what separates us from the animal kingdom, no?
Gareth, Oxford, UK
I complained to the advertizing standards authority about the screening of TV ads that denigrate men and was told the ads were "humorous" and therefore acceptabIe. If those ads denigrated women, or a minority ethnic group, or the handicapped, they would be taken off the air instantly. Go figure.
John, Wellington, New Zealand
I agree with the author almost 100%. Discrimination isn't a good thing. Not even when its in reverse. And on a personal note, I find the 21st century notion of a male ie: feminised, about as appealing as a root canal procedure. No thanks.
Buggles, Sedgley,
Thats right Amelia, men are standing directly in your path and literally controlling your reproductive rights. Whats that? You have no examples? In the Uk there are no examples of this BUT you've read and heard its really really bad elsewhere right?
chris, houston, usa
It freaks me out. A portrait of our times? My "normal" family, a girl, a boy and a husband (their father! and we were already married when they were born!) makes me feel "different". Families around me are broken, no fathers, no mothers, stepfathers, stepmothers, teenage single mothers....
D. Evans, Hampshire, UK
BRAVO!
stephanie, mufulira,
Is this woman living in the same world as me? Men may have lost their identities as women claim their human and individual rights, but women are far from being treated as equal in both developped and developping countries - particularly with regards to family planning and reproduction rights.
Amelia, London,
There is much sense here if a little prolix.
The portrayal of men in our popular culture is all too often negative, and their treatment in the family courts is truely scandalous.
It is no basis to build a sound society, and I fear we are beginning to reap what we have sown.
Mark Horner, Northumberland, UK
Bravo,
It is not anti women to stand up and be masculine.
We worker bee men, the silent ones, the number one overwhelming victims of violence (nearly 3x that of women), suicide((ditto), shortest longevity have just about had it with the groin kicks and all being labelled unworthy of the same air.
william, montreal, canada
Kim from London, your attitude is part of the problem. Rather than taking Frank's bait, just ignore him, but please don't start talking about your "right" to be rude and uncivilised. We really need to rethink the meaning of the term "rights".
Veronica, Toronto, Canada
One of my colleagues is so obsessed with finding a "real man" she's completely oblivious of the fact that she's sitting next to a great, caring and funny guy, who isn't exactly ugly, and who she really gets along with. Silly woman.
It's not me, I'm a woman, going out with a woman.
Starlet, Stockport,
I still wonder at two ladies as Akelas.
If a man wanted to be Brown Owl, in charge of a group of pre-teen girls, what would the newspapers suggest ?
alan, London, England
Frank Caine of London, get over yourself! You are exactly the type of idiotic man that give your gender a bad name.
If a woman doesn't want to say 'good morning' back to you, she doesn't have to - if she feels like telling you where to stick your 'salutation', she has the right to.
kim, london,
A real man is one that is chivalrous enough to let the ladies think that they are in charge!
Andrew, Poole, U.K
Frank Caine: I too hate it when people are rude, if a guy says 'good morning' I'll respond with "Morning" back. This has nothing to do with women/men - this is just common courtesy.
However, attitudes of "She melts, I OWN her, she knows it!" is not exactly courteous either is it?
Kate, Sydney, Australia
fantastic article!
vp, london,
I don't think 'real men' exist. just as I don't think 'real women' exist either. I think we're over obsessing with stereotypes here.
What is the proposed solution? going back to the 1950's 'happy families' charade?
Seem to be so many disillusioned men around - what do you want women to do?
Kate, Sydney, Australia
Sounds like Kathleen understands the difference between a male and a man. They are two different animals.
Joel, Merced, USA
All the real men are fighting for their right to be real men in the currupt family law courts! Up against the Germaine Greers & Harriet Harmans of this world along with biased and often femminist judges!! On the one hand we are wrong to runaway and on the other we are wrong to stay and fight, well?
Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England
A courteous salutation of 'good morning' in London , can be returned by a woman triggering hostility, intimidation and threats for a proxy bashing from some third party on first contact. For which it takes me 20 seconds to discipline and educate her on the spot! She melts, I OWN her, she knows it!
Frank Caine, London,
Known this for years & been fighting back (with reasoned argument not violence) for ages.
Groundswell of support & fightback for men's rights has already begun with the advent of fathers4justice etc
After all what were suffragettes - women who chained themselves to railings 2protest discrimination
PP, London,
No positive male role models?
Lewis Hamilton doesn't count then? Stephan Fry? Nelson Mandela? Bill Gates? Jonny Depp? Monty Panesar? All real men. Not threatened by 50% of the world having freedom.
Would she rather we went back to woman's minds and bodies belonging to the highest bidder?
Tori, Southampton, United Kingdom
As a man born in 1983 I have been taught in schools where the only males are PE teachers, a culture where men are the problem - from tv adverts painting the man as a complete idiot from Mr muscle to the toilet drinking beer & females portrayed as zenful masters @ work & home.Stop gender competition
name withheld, Manchester, England
The definition of a "real man" is not constant but varies depending on the age people live in, ekonomical and technological development. Basically, it is the women who decide what man is a "real man", what man they find suitable as a partner here and now.
Irene, London,
We have gone nowhere, we just stay the hell away from modern women and their ideals about modern times.
Interaction with said specimens can only lead to a very hard slog and thinning of the hair (never mind the bank balance).
So where have all the decent Woman gone?
Alan, leeds,
This article is true, just too little late, now the future looks bleak the backlash from the male underclass is well under way.
Now here comes the abyss and unparalleled horror worse than the world has ever known.From a man who no longer cares just standing laughing watching the tragic finale!
Dave , London, England
Great article and very true. Particularly the comments on the "pornification" of our culture, the proliferation of casual sex, and the elevation to god status of women with children. Nowadays, there doesn't seem to be much mutual respect between men and women anymore - I wish this was different.
Emma, Southampton, UK
lol! - April fool's day came a bit late this year eh? - although I didn't read all of it, as she goes on a bit, doesn't she?
esse, Cambridge, MA,
Real men are not found on the internet whinging and ranting on because they're jealous and bitter they don't have wombs and can't give birth! Too bad, don't cry about it be a man!
If these are the REAL men I think Id rather have babies with the offensive media images!
nadine, auckland, nz
Completely agree....
Jamie brown, Maidstone, England
This article can't leave you indifferent. Pro "real men" women irritate me almost as much as femenists and even though it is well written, I feel it is generalising which is something that irritates me even more. What is a real man? Leave that to the experts as they know so much, but so little ...!
Josie, Canoves,
A Taylor, Leamington Spa: Men are psychologically abused by women left and right, whether or not you want to admit it. Physically abused too. A woman can kick the hell out of a man no problem, but who gets arrested when he slaps back? It's a woman's world. Oh, and enjoy stealing our children.
David, chicago, usa
Please see
http://needing-fathers.blogspot.com
for info on what the children of turkey-basting parenting and other infertlity masking devices have to endure.
Stella , London , Britiain
Great Kathleen! Now perhaps you can be a 'real' woman and quit your job at The Times and return to the kitchen where you should be, barefoot and pregnant!
PS. As a man I don't feel redundant or threatened at all in today's society, I honestly don't know what the problem is?)
Andrew, London, UK
Let me get this straight. You have a group of 7 to 10 year old boys scouts and you're tring to interest them in a "Women's History" project.
Great article and clearly you saw the error of your way's, but really that one sentence tells you everything you need to know about the problem.
matt, San Francisco, USA
tom Phillips, Liverpool,
"how long will it be before feminism goes so far that a counter revolution in "masculinism" is needed??"
The male equivalent is already underway - it's the increasing violence against women. And it will get worse. PC can't change nature
Bob Finbow, Haverhill, Suffolk
For males, marriage is simply bad. Females have made
marriage adversarial. Today, males have chosen to avoid
marriage and females have achieved complete liberation.
It is too late to return to the good old days of cooperative
marriage.
John, Placentia, Republic of Californai
I'm 54. It is too late to save me. My career sucks. I feel alienated by society. When death finally comes I'll be only too glad slough off this mortal coil, pass into oblivion, and leave the world to those who want it.
Roger S, Manitoba, Canada
I wonder how many women consider a sin to give birth to a boy, and how many consider it mere bad luck?
We have the reverse of male dominated Islamic culture.
Like Germany in the 1930s with Jews, we are obsessed with statistics on any part of life that show men having an more success than women.
Roger S, Manitoba, Canada
If the writer were serious, she wouldn't always refer to men using the denigrating term "males",
Vic, London, UK
While we continue to feminise men, other cultures will continue to maintain their masculinity, putting us at a disadvantage.
Marriage is the foundation of society, and as long as men can't bear children they will be needed to support in every way their wives and children.
Joe, London, UK
Why do today's women think it's right for today's men to take a lashing for the wrongs of men long gone. Male punishment is at the heart of the many anti-family and feminisation agendas. It isn't achieving a thing just millions of unfulfilled people who lack a sense of purpose.
John, Dursley,
As a woman who has always stood up for men and never tolerates male bashing (even from men -"We're all pigs...") I am very relieved to read this article. However, to the men who demonize women, do you not see that you are swept up in a cycle of hatred & that your own hatred is part of the problem?
Veronica, Toronto, Canada
Rose, London - very narrow simplistic thinking. Don't just read the words, try to think about the meaning too. Hope this is helpful.
John, Dursley,
No positive male stereotypes in media. We are awash with law of unintended effects of 30 years of legislated levelling & demonising. Female violence risen dramatically so Australia's making spousal murder laws assymetrical: female hormone defence a valid mitigation. I pray my son marries an asian.
Dennis, Sydney, Australia
The world of families minus men, especially in the Western world, leaves fractured families where boys and girls are suffering apocalyptic rates of suicide, drug abuse, pregnancy and dysfunction. Single mothers put on a pretty face for the crowds, but find me one who would turn away a good husband.
Jason Green, boston, ma, usa
From the comments here, sounds to me like the real men are in Scotland! Always did have a think for Scot/Irish lads..... Hmm, good taste on MY part. Maybe I should move. God knows the USA is in short supply of good men.
Danielle, Ohio, USA
We all know this is true, but unsaid in the silly age of feminism. Most guys are as boring as their wives and unworthy of a decent TV movie. We work at dull jobs, are relatively plain, mostly nice and kind, and do our best to look after the people we love.
NC, Little Rock,
No wonder Islam is growing so fast it has the answers to this cultural decadance. Its not the terrorists that will have the world submit to islam, but the answers that the faith provides!!
Andy, woking, UK
When I read the title, my heart sunk. Not another one of these shaming articles!
Thank you for saying what I feel I'm not allowed to.
I particularly hate the idea that men only want sex. Every boy has a dream to meet a girl next door, who will be his best friend too.
George, Canterbury,
= terrific article - if, long overdue.
Thomasyne Flynn, Leiden, The Netherlands
Feminism has turn from a force of good to one of evil.UNICEF reported 2007 that well being of children in UK was lowest of all OECD countries.There is a direct correlation between risk behavior (drugs,drink ect) and children living in step families or with single parents. Men? a lot have gone away.
Stephan Wardour, calne,
I'm 27 years old, live in Central London, I work for a bank, and tell me why in the world i should get married?
Tom, London,
Rene, if we destroyed the concept of the 'ideal' woman we might be able to achieve some degree of legal equality with regard to custody and family law. We wouldn't want that now would we?
Matthew, Sydney , Australia
*"Why, I asked, would a girl do such a thing? Why would she service a man for nothing – no relationship, no affection, no emotional intimacy?" Sexual pleasure, orgasms. Suprisingly, some women actually enjoy sex. Hey, maybe you're not one of them, but don't ruin it for the rest.
Brucie, Bristol,
Do you seriously want a return to the days when men were supposed to do all the work outside the home and be strong and silent, while women played Little Susie Homemaker, baking cakes and knitting doilies?
We all have to grow up and be responsible for our own lives.
Eileen M, Toronto, Canada
Thank you for stating what seems to me to be the bleedin' obvious. Often if the argument just seems naturally right, it probably is.
The male is agressive and feels the need to lead, and the female is naturally a nurterer and consolidator. You can see this in most gregarious species - and us.
Steve S, Wiltshire, UK
If men want to be valued parts of familiies they need to add value to the family, which means more than the traditional I earn the money now leave me alone. Greater rights within the family also mean greater responsibilities. Its not OK to be out everynight while the mother looks after the kids.
Rachel, Wgtn, NZ
wonderful article, witty &wise. Im a dad &am in 100% agreement. Mans sole bread-winning role is gone, we need a new gig.
my grandad used 2 say hard upon hard makes a very poor wall and soft upon soft makes no wall at all.
A son needs his dad. young fathers & family court Judges wake up
Tony, hiuxquilucan, mexico
"We need boys who have acquired the virtues of honour, courage, valour and loyalty. "
Beautifully put. And they need the compliment of high expectations, that they will step up and do the noble thing. Then, they will live up to it and do themselves and others proud.
Amy Allen, Londom,
At the end of the day even though in a few PC crazy enclaves in a few western countries men may be being victimised, most of the world is ruled by men and its women who suffer far,far,FAR more.
Stop feeling threatened men! Most women love you and obey you. to You have more to fear from yourselves.
ayla, london,
All the real men are fighting for their right to be real men in the currupt family law courts! Up against the Germaine Greers & Harriet Harmans of this world along with biased and often femminist judges!! On the one hand we are wrong to runaway and on the other we are wrong to stay and fight, well?
Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England
"how long will it be before feminism goes so far that a counter revolution in "masculinism" is needed??"
About 9000 years, Tom.
Jo, Greenwich, London
To solve all the problems faced in modern day life of earthlings, it would be better to rid of child birth of artificial nature. Gives identity to the children, sense of family value's a possible means to remove the current social issues in society and improve the quality of gene pool.
brian, london,
If every woman would moan like this, of course all the good man would go for man. Sorry chicks!
men4men, london, uk
Are you kidding, Kathleen? Why don't you go to a country where 'real men' exist! The Middle East, Africa, Asia, South America are all real bastions of disinfranchized males! Oh but I forget we have some real fine upstanding men in the UK: prostitute traffickers + 6% rape conviction rate. Poor men!
Rose, London,
Hell, I want to go and live in a cabin, fish, sail, and whittle sylish but pointless items .
However as an old fashioned man I am just wasting my life working to support my family as I agreed at my wedding.
I'm sorry.
Please someone free me. Do I have to moisturise?
John, Tiverton,
Thanks Raul, that's what I have been thinking.
How can you reduce masculinity to a few words? And at the same time the author reduced womanhood to a few words. This article only works if you have a huge amount of prejudices and a certain narrow-mindedness to begin with.
Jeanne, Lille, France
I couldn't agree more, Kathleen.
I will not reveal where I work but I do my best to save men every single day! I have already commented once, like you: "I want to save the men" and nobody would understand why.
I'm just concerned about the future, to be honest.
Carolyn, Glasgow, Scotland
I don't see what the problem is, no woman's every hurt me, well only two, and they were both feminists, and one of them's now on the slide, and the other's not long following her.
Charles, London,
Is that David Milliband in the picture above!
KBB, UK, UK
the comments on here are amazing. so many bemoaning old traditional relationships!!! Men too want it all on their terms....how many are prepared to let wife stay at home & raise the kids? How many up & be the wage earner? Yes women did wrong cos now we work, raise the kids, clean & don the sussies!
meme, Leeds, uk
The ultimate symbol of this situation must be the fact that Harriet Harman is the Government's 'Minister for Equality.' It's a vision of equality which some may recognise, but I certainly don't! Either have a 'Minister for Men' as well, or a Minister for Equality we can have some degree of faith in.
George S. , Stratford , UK
Ian, Washington DC. - That's more like it, boy did I laugh when I read your comment.
Kevin, Wirral, UK
There's a lot of truth in this article but I'm sorry to say it's probably too late to really change anything. I see society fragmenting more and more; there will be enclaves with 'traditional' men and women but they will be just one of many minority groups.
gb, Austin, USA
What's wrong with not having body hair?
Ross, New York,
What on earth does "women's history month" have to do with scouting? I thought scouting was supposed to be about learning honour, integrity and self-sufficiency. Clearly all that has been swept aside thanks to women!
Colin, Bath, UK
Bravo! I couldn't agree more with the author. Heck, even as a 10-year-old child back in 1968, I never felt comfortable hearing about the initial explosion of radical feminism when the "Women's Liberation Movement" and the bra-burnings began. It's done huge damage to both men & women alike.
Missy, USA,
Ban hard core porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Claire, Bucks,
Pitch perfect. As a guy eager for a relationship but reluctant to agree to today's 'terms and conditions,' women are all too often strong on ego, weak on identity, with no sense of how, or obligation to, contribute in a relationship, leaving men without male boundaries or attractive reason to commit
Barry, New York, USA
how long will it be before feminism goes so far that a counter revolution in "masculinism" is needed??
tom Phillips, Liverpool,
The idea of 'real men' itself is a stereotype. We do not interact with stereotypes but vastly differing individuals, this sort of article only serves the media machine to typecast and create expectations, another reason for 1500 words.
Raul, Bombay,
A female speaking what the men's movement has said and then been silenced over (anyone remember Robert Bly and his book Iron John?).
Before the critics attack this article look around at the rise in knife crime and other violence and ask if Kathleen Parker may have pointed us towards an answer.
Phelim McIntyre, Liphook,
The greatest insult to my personal appearance that I can think of is be selected as a male 'celeb', actor or presenter in today's media.
Jim Guest, G Manchester, UK
I agree with the author. After all, while a so called "man's world", the reality is that many men's childhood and adolescensce too often reflect the bitter frustration and anger of the women who raise them as a single parent. Society reflects the effects of this in the lives of these adult males.
Rosario, New York, U.S
In the northern hemisphere, political elites have been unnaturally usurping the independance of men for the encroaching dependance of women sanctioned against men under the aegis of equality.
Frank Caine, London,
Good to hear the demasculated male argument in the news again. After Bly, Keen, Moore & Gillette et al said this decades ago, good to hear it as a 'feminist' argument, which I guess it always was. But society can't destroy the oppressive patriarchy and still be dominated by strong 'traditional' men.
Chris Reed, Carlisle, UK
That strange ozzy woman who's on TV occasionally and Harriet Harperson please take a bow.
Bill Peter, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
An article that speaks for the sufferings that men endure everyday. Well written, concise and accurate. If only more woman thought like this rather than always whinning, moaning taking their money and not letting them see their kids.
John, London, Monument
Porn can be educational, leading to a better sex life and it plays an important role keeping men out of mischief. Plus of course not all porn is heterosexual.
There are many gay men out there who feel they don't fit into the campy metrosexual world either. That is a (profitable) stereotype.
Robert, Manchester, UK
Mark, London, UK: this article was about more than how many "strong men" there are out there. It's about how our 21st century culture treats men and views masculinity. By the way, a good book to read on this subject is " The WAR AGAINST BOYS: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men".
David, chicago, usa
A bit of rare wisdom.
John, Lisbon, Portugal
Men have to walk a tightrope not entirely dissimilar to the one walked by women. Men's traditional roles are different than women's and so fitting them into a contemporary context can be (anvil bounces off of head).....BEER, BEER, BEER, CHIPS, CHIPS, CHIPS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS.....WHOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
Ian, Washington, DC
Thanks for this profound and highly literate research. But I'm not to sanguine that it shall make much difference in todays A.D.D. and self absorbed western society. To me, todays women seem to be consumed by the need to succeed professionally more than socially, and making good combat troops!
Dave B., Miami, USA
Can I meet Kenneth of Ayrshire please..I will take my place in the queue..
Muvva, Ely, UK
I wish you were my mummy!!
but seriously, some very interesting and pertinent points, but then you are preching to the converted.
andy, Belfast,
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful article! I can't believe a woman could understand men (and boys) so well.
JJ, Columbus, USA
Look for example at the choice of picture used in this story even without the underwear he's a non threatening effeminate pretty boy ;-) this is the image mass media push on us all - glad I've got more sense then to believe the hype. Wait for the harsh times - real men will come back into fashion...
Mark, London, UK
Silly article. There have always been weak and strong men, and to this day that still exists.
Some have no confidence, some question their instincts, some fear rejection, some care about what others think; and then come the real men who follow their purpose in life; make money and procreate! :)
Alex, London,
Save the males? From a role where they 'traditionally' took custodial care of women who held roles of subordination, marginalisation, subserviance and dependence? When its millions of men the world over who are physically and psychologically abused by women we'll have a real conversation.
A Taylor, Leamington Spa,
Right on the button!
Mark, Oslo, Norway
I spent my Erasmus year in Oslo and was amazed at how puzzled and out-of-position guys seemed. Totally not knowing how to behave, what to do how to interact with women.
Ironically we barbarians, apparently with a "green card" from the ladies due to our "humble origins" seemed to be much preferred.
Alex, Madrid,
Enjoy it what you have got while you've still got it. This is one boat you won't turn around and it's only going to get worse. Every social ill imaginable will be visited upon this generation because we've chosen to ignore thousands of years of social history for our own cleverness.
Hold on tight.
Paul, Puerto del Rosario, Spain
Kathleen, shame on you. There has never been a time when the shame of single motherhood served a purpose. Go & say that to the many who committed suicide, sought illegal abortions [rendering them infertile]& even those who have spent their lives in places like Broadmoor..yes for getting pregnant
meme, Leeds, uk
Shame on you Kathleen. There has never been a time when the "Shame of single motherhood served a purpose" Go & say that to the many who committed suicide, had illegal abortions [rendering them infertile] & those that ended up in places like Broadmoor! If men want to be men, stop whining & just do it
meme, Leeds, uk
Well done at last someone with sense,
It seems to me women today want a husband likeMichael Crawford in some mother's do have e'm. But admire James Bond. which is it girls you can't have every thing.
I have been happily married to James Bond type but I know just how to manage him.
Betty , Knaresborough, Yorkshire
Sorry, that is ridiculous. I could not read on after she "cried" about men not having a say in abortion matters. If they would care about contraception they wouldn't get so many surprising invoices, if they would become primary teachers, boys wouldn't be dominated by women teachers. It's as easy.
Julia , Norwich, UK
The NERVE of this woman to imply that men should have rights... Well, I never....
George B, Ladysmith, USA
Interesting article...Kathleen can "save" me anyday of the week.
Ed, Stafford, England
A truly facsinating article. But just look around the world at less developed cultures. The truth is that strong women, much more often than not, need considerate men in order to acheive. Long may we men have the inner strength to be considerate. Women are truly equal to men, but no more than that.
John Smith, Leeds, UK
Cultural Marxists cast heterosexual males as the baddies and ethnic minorities, homosexuals and non feminist women as victims - hear Bill Lind explain at
http://www.politicallyincorrect.me.uk/pcorigins.htm
All is revealed. The question is, what are we gonna do about it?
Dr Stuart H Russell, Grantham, uk
Women's liberation brought about the liberation of men, that is, both sexes were liberated from traditional gender roles . The truth is, that this allowed members both genders to become more selfish and feral. The most obvious losers are children.
Henry Thomas, Tenby, United Kingdom
Fathers trying but failing to deliver good parenting is another massive casualty of this meltdown. Mum & Dad as good cop bad cop works & sets boundaries that will help through life. Dads doing mum's role today is both common & wrong. Kids further lower their view of males & the unravelling continues
Paul, cheltenham, gloucestershire
http://www.thenononsenseman.com/
Lorenzo, Genova,
Truth is real men meet and date real women. Its kind of a Darwin / natural selection thing, while everybody else gets a watered down / twisted version of the real thing & gets to whine. Sorry about that. Blame your parents / grandparents / the 60s / 70s. The porn is just a bonus...
Theakston, Dubai, UAE
I agree with some of these points, but ist not that feminism pushed men to the side but rather that many men relinquish responsibilities and expectations...
An example is how many people nowdays seem to say that they dont believe in marriage or that marriage is just a piece of paper...
sol, london, uk
Steve, Cardiff, I can't agree more with you.
Irene, London,
It's too late ladies. You reap what you sow. You can't have it both ways!
kevin, Wirral,
I was brought up in England in the 70s, had a female Arkela, female primary and secondary teachers and got the hell out of the place as soon as I could. I have lived in Spain for 18 years where I have slowly allowed recoverd from the damage my warped education inflicted. Well said Will Rogers.
Charles, Barcelona,
I learned and learned well that my children, I fathered three, all the the property of their mother and I got only one "benefit"... the bill. All three of my children are good examples of the mess made by the US courts and a demonic mother. Talk is cheap, when will something be done... NEVER
George B, Ladysmith, USA
Me Grandad used to say: 'There's only 2 weeks between a good haircut and a bad haircut'. And he were right.
Ged, Manchester,
Tina, if she says yes & the mans says no - well thats hardly a recipe for the growth of a well-adjusted child is it? But hey if you want the final say then you should also accept the final responsibility for the child & not go crying to the CSA or the like for support..
S, London, UK
Affirmative programmes for men are needed, like those found in Engineering, Medicine and Law for women. Such intiatives do not exist for careers such as Childcare and Teaching. Hence the fall from 140K male teachers in the early 90's to about 100K now, with female staff at the same levels.
Jon Kingsbury, Southampton, UK
Or maybe we should get on with life rather than spending time endlessly analyzing?
Men and women are different. Compromise is needed from both sides to accommodate this fact.
Now just get on with living!
MD, Milton Keynes,
You know, down here things don't seem to be as bad as it is in the US for example. I was living in US for a couple of months and somebody told me that the social group with more rights were kids, then women, then elder people, then dogs, and at the bottom of the pit you had men...... sad, isn't it?
Franco, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Wow! It is a long time since I read an article that so echoed my own long held views on the future of the family and the role of men in society. Women do have all the choices in our society and frankly we have made a mockery of those choices and taken feminism too far. We need the strength of men.
katherine savage, warrington, united kingdom
Great article. Reassuring to read that someone has read between the lines of the apparent "war of the sexes" and the damage it is doing. Men and woman are different for a reason (and thank God); to complement each other. The difference needs to be embraced, not demonised.
Paul Holding, Leigh-on-Sea, England
Great article and (as a feminist) I agree with the core argument. Men and women are different and these differences should be applauded and encouraged. It is a question always of balance. When society favours one gender over the other and institutionaises inequality it's a problem for both.
Lorraine, Surrey,
Sorry Tina Rea, it may be her body, and it may be her body serving as the vessel carrying a child, but it's THEIR child. Therefore it needs to be THEIR choice to terminate, not hers alone.
Labour have successfully marginalised men in today's society - let's hope the Tories turn it round soon.
John F, London,
The women's movement was first about getting equality for women in the 70s and then moved on to demonising men. The logical conclusion to all this has been the destruction of the family and the problems we are seeing in society is due to lack of fathers, at home and at school.
martin swash, wellington, new zealand
Real men are still out there. Take myself as an example, likes outdoors, fishing, shooting, but I am kind, confident, caring and compassionate as well... last girl friend has been amazed that this combination exists without being laddish. I know my place as a male, even though society has forgotten!
Kenneth , Ayrshire, Scotland
Pro-fem bigotry is now the law. She can kill her baby pretty much anytime in the first 9 months, he has no say, but is financially responsible if she doesn't. If she feels threatened by him, she may kill him with impunity. "Affirmative action" chooses less qualified women. Men are now irrelevant.
Nick, Rotherham, UK
You cannot have a female Akela, you can have a female Raksha, but if you have a female Akela you've destroyed the whole concept behind scouting for boys.
Only the bravest of men get involved because in today's feminized anti-family world, any accusation of untoward behavior is accepted as fact.
Tara Liegen, Cologne,
What is most troubling is that the female society is not stable. It assumes safety and depends upon protection. If you weaken YOUR men enough it makes your society vulnerable to another's men that are not weakened. Male psychology is different for a reason... respect and use that difference.
Will Rogers, Los Angeles, USA
I was awoken today by noise- a rebel cat unseating my wheelie bin..husband snoring of course but having said that he is the one with Phd who brings home the bacon! I am the resident cat scarer. The anti 'real men' brigade are sad creatures as they NEED the friction to light their fire!
YR, Cambs, uk
My male identity remains intact. it's easy enough to stay clear of trouble; the danger signs are woman's wide sweeping generalisations. 'Men are stupid,,,', 'The trouble with men...'.
ALL men are not oppressors and ALL women are not oppressed. I've never oppressed anyone and I won't take the rap
Ed, Cardiff,
Is there an article on the gradual entering of hardcore pornography into every home. 30 years ago hardcore pornography was illegel in the UK. Now it is on every computer in the country which every teenager will see. Were the previous generation wrong to ban this ? Are there long term consequencies ?
Mike, manchester, uk
Kinda lost it a bit in the middle but a great article.
I agree with everything in it - a rarity these days.
I'd love it if men had a say in partners terminations. Ten years ago I tried to kill myself after my partner unilateraly terminated our child. Her right no question, but my sorrow.
James, Glasgow,
I suspect the experience of rural/small towns vs city/cosmopolitan differs somewhat. I live less than an hour from Len and can vouch that his small rural town is full of real men. In a recent survey NZ 's Southern men were rated the best lovers - something to do with the scenery perhaps??
Lecia, Nelson, New Zealand
Men being depicted on TV as idiots or worse has unfortunately become the norm, and it's as tedious as it is pointless. What puzzles me though are the males who create these characters. What kind of men are they who think this type of portrayal is funny, clever or the way forward for the sexes?
Stephen , Glasgow,
She's not wrong
Mark, Niigata, Japan
"According to a study by the National Foundation for Educational Research issued in 2005, 12% of British males aged 13-18 avail themselves of “adult-only” websites; and American research findings are similar."
The other 88% are liars.
Dan, New York, NY, USA
Worst is Sweden where the sexes have done a complete swap, with aggressive, domineering, masculine women, and feline, effete males who have been potty trained to sit on the loo when they take a leak! The female dominated media still carry on complaining as though Sweden were a Taliban state. Misery
Simon , Stockholm, Sweden
its not necessary for her to worry about us really, we are all busy enjoying internet pornography and the attentions of East European women who are still brought up respecting the Male's role in society, jihad feminism has not reached Budapest or Bucharest yet !
MarkC, London, UK
::yawn::
Since when has anyone had the right to define who or what defines a 'real man'...or woman? This male (feminist, to boot) doesn't need his masculinity defined, lamented or protected by anyone.
Surely there are many other things that need one's saving than a bloody, stupid male 'ideal'.
Rene C Moya, London, UK
I agree with this article as the mother of a 9 year old boy. He craves male company and I know he needs me around but he also needs GOOD role models to teach him how to be a man. It is also apparent that more male teachers are desperately required as too many female ones are failing boys.
wendy scott, melbourne, australia
Yeah, I agree with Len - in the southern hemisphere these virtues still exist. As a British male I find THAT rather liberating. Great article and well-written.
Andrew, Hamilton, NZ
Oh at last, thank God I thought I was the only woman bemoaning the death of man. And to answer Steve, you seem to miss the piont. As a woman I enjoy a male who is intelligent and doesn't smell of beo, which is exactly why I believe men are more than capable of having a bath and changing a light bulb
Tedecia Wint, Londoner residing in NY,
To Len, Motueka. That's hilarious. Dreay men in New Zealand, but not real. If men down there are so "real", why can't your rugby players understand the offside rule?
Andy, Osaka, Japan
They've gone off and married real women - from other parts of the world not infected by feminism.
Martin, Newmarket, Suffolk
The whole point of feminism was to level the playing field. In fact, the playing field has been tipped the other way for a long time, and men are now also-rans. Just look at the number of women-only gyms, then ask what would happen if you tried to open a men-only gym. QED Makes me sick.
RW, Victoria, BC, Canada
It's GREAT to see someone sticking up for the guys. And yes, I agree that men are widely denigrated. But really - I think men are tougher than you make out. Speaking out against unfairness is great. But do we really need women to "let men be men?" I think we can do that without women's "permission".
David , London, UK
Real men are alive and well in this country (and Afghanistan and Iraq) but are very much underrated and largely unnoticed.
As raised in the article, men and women are different; each have unique qualities that need to be celebrated instead of marginilised.
Dave, Leeds,
My God. Smart, successful, beautiful AND she actually likes men!! Kathleen's husband has to be officially the luckiest man on the planet.
Malcolm, London, UK
women would never have invented the car, tv or the computer...The womens weekly mags( showing stars canoodling) is the cosmic shrine of all women. What did Nicole do ? what did Brad do ? ...these are perennially the most important things in womens lives..
dev, perth, australia
All through my adult life I've felt afflicted by values I didn't create or subsribe to but that society's pushed- pornography,instant gratification and looking at girls as sex objects -only now at 25 through meeting the right girl and turning away from porn have I let out the Man Kathleen describes.
Jacob, Surrey, UK
It's male paradise for those men who didn't fall for feminist claptrap.
MARK KLEIN, M.D., OAKLAND, CA, USA
Very good article. From my perspective the expectations of the male role have changed dramatically over the past 60 years of my life. In this modern world I avoid contact with younger women and children. I love my wife and kids. What have I done wrong?
BobK, Melbourne, Australia
Len, you haven't been to Ponsonby lately have you?
adolfo, wellington,
"Shouldn't a man have some say in whether his offspring is born or aborted?" Some say, yes, but final say, no. It's in her body, and if they disagree, it's her choice.
Tina Rhea, Greenbelt Maryland, US
Who are you as a woman to say what a "real" man is, Kathleen? Do you ever stop to think that maybe some of us men actually enjoy making more of an effort, enjoy better hygiene, enjoy intelligent conversation, enjoy being less neanderthal? And by your description, a gay man isn't a "real man" either.
Steve, Cardiff, UK
Absolutely first class. I agree with all the sentiments of this article. I've been saying exactly the same for years. And I speak as a husband to a wonderful lady and father to 2 girls and 2 boys who most definitely prefer me to be 'a man' as expressed in this article.
don, birmingham,
Excellent and refreshing. And just when I was beginning to think that The Sunday Times supplements were becoming a broadsheet Heat magazine indulging in banal gender stereotypes.........An article of genuine nerve and urgency.
TJ, London, UK
The answer to the question is: New Zealand.
Len, motueka,